I would not be real to myself and to you the reader if I told you my life is all rainbows and cupcakes. Tonight I sat and pondered on people in my life, and I started to doubt... yes.. the human nature...doubting my purpose, my actions, my future. I started thinking specifically about all the people in my life: so I give my efforts to them, encourage them, love them, pray for them, hope the very best for them, but then I feel like my efforts are not really much effort, and I'm doubting if I'm doing my job. I think about blessings in my life, what am I taking for granted, what am I excusing: convincing myself I don't deserve it. At this time of thinking I feel Defeated.
But let me say... there is NOT hopelessness.... but HOPE
how could I grow if I didn't have my doubts and defeats?
Now is this critical point of choosing how I spend my time in my thoughts,... digging deeper in Depression (a place I do not want to return to), or fighting it out, a tough battle, but surrender in the end with God's peace that surpasses all my understandings in life. (I might not get it all...but I can be content..and rejoice in what I have).
I say these words while these things are fresh on my mind so I might be vulnerable to be real and honest with you readers. Its not easy. We have times when we turn off the "HOPE" button, Ignore the "PEACE" blanket that God offers, and pretend that God's ears are turned off and the whole world just doesn't understand. I've been there! and I've also had a good firend tell me, "those moments when you think you're alone on that boat, look around, there are many others with you".
So what can you, the reader, draw from this? I hope that you can see, me another human being, having doubts also, feeling defeated..but each of us stopping in our tracks and not forgetting about the God that is rooted in your heart waiting for you to melt into His arms and let Him comfort you.
Hey Jamie, this is George Shires. I find the thing to constantly keep in mind is that God is always and forever in control. It sounds simple, but it has gotten me through everything from my apartment fire in Sherman where I lost everything I owned, to job losses and difficult family situations, to the death of my mother two years ago. Feeling depressed will happen - it happened to Abraham, Moses, Elijah, Jonah, etc... but knowing that God is in control of everything, even the difficult circumstances where we have no answer or explanation here on earth as to why something happened, is a very powerful, empowering realization. I find it gives me strength in my day to day Christian walk. Over time, I have changed my daily prayers to more of seeking God's will and not to things I wish happen instead, and I have been more at peace with the tides and turmoils life brings my way. No matter what happens in life, no matter how things end up, knowing that one day I will stand before the throne of God with my family and declare "Forever you are faithful, forever you are strong, forever you are with us" puts the cares and troubles of this world in their proper perspective.
ReplyDelete